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If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Tiger shark cast as HR Pufnstuf, captured in derby

Satire: This is a made up story.

What does a shark do when they get tired of chasing the White House spokesman?

They hire an agent and get sent out on auditions.

A huge 1,100-lb tiger shark caught off the Massachusetts coast was rehearsing for a Pufnstuf remake.

[See important legal note, far bottom with this link ]

Lifetime Achievement Award Nominee

The producer and crew are reported to be recovering well, and there are no other reported injuries.

Newly released images from the White House press pool show this tiger shark had taken quite a chunk out of Scott McLellan. After weeks of getting nowhere the shark threw up her fins and said, "These guys aren't giving us anything. I'm going to take a break. Maybe be an extra."

Within a 6 days of her departure, the young lady had found an agent, was auditioning, and got cast as the lead in the HR Pufnstuf remake. "She was a perfect fit," Producer-Director-Gaffer-BestBoy-Craftie Joseph "Joe" Pyrezolia said.

Pyrezolia was doing all the crew work himself. He just needed an actor. Then in walked the perfect HR Pufnstuff.

"We talked alot about the White House, Rove, and the big stonewalling. McLellan and her went a few rounds. A few more, and he would've been toast. She sure has sharp teeth."

Fisherman off the shore of the Massachusetts vineyard accidentally mistook this Hollywood Maven as their ticket to shark derby-fame. After hauling her on deck, Pyrezolia swooped in on an Apache helicopter.

Unfortunately, the tiger shark did not get first prize in the shark derby. She was caught after the derby deadline.

Efforts to revive the lead were not successful. This tiger shark was an inspiration to us all and will be sorely missed.

Fortunately, Pyrezolia got the whole thing on film. "Maybe we can use some of the images in a final tribute. She was a real fighter. The one shark who knew how make Scott McLellan finally lose it on national TV."

"We were just doing 2nd Unit stuff. We could use some models or stand ins. It's going to alright." Pyrezolia says they'll still be able to finish the film with the existing footage.

He plans to donate the proceeds of the film to the White House press corp. "They need to go to the dentist and get their teeth sharpened. God knows they've got the backbone."

Disclaimer: Satire

  • The shark derby was real; but the part about the Movie is made up. But remember, the DVD pictured above is really about HRPufnStuf.

  • This is for entertainment purposes only and is not used for profit or commercial purposes in any way.

    Learning More About Sharks

    For families

    Oceanography is the study of the ocean.

    Here is one scientific name for a tiger shark. But it lives near Japan.

    Here is another scientific name and family for a tiger shark. There are 48 species of carcharinidae.

    Here are some National Geographic underwater photos of a tiger shark. As you can see from the images, they can be nice to photographers, but they sometimes can attack.

    Here are some drawings of the shark species from the Bay of Fundy, near New Brunswick, Canada. That is north of where this Tiger Shark was caught in the Massachusetts Derby.

    The Galeocerdo Genus can have as many as eighty-two [82] pups in a single litter. Wow, that's alot. It takes 9 months to make a tiger shark. Can you think of something that also takes nine months to make?

    If you like dinosaurs, here is a neat chart showing how all the sharks relate to dinosaurs. The most recent [closer to today] are near the top. The older things are closer to the bottom.

    Here is a drawing of a tiger shark. Here are some photographs of tiger shark teeth.

    Here is a drawing of the parts of a shark.


    If you like to draw or color, here is a coloring picture of a tiger shark for you. You can use any color you want!

    If you like to use scissors and paper, here is a fun shark cutout you can use to scare your friends.

    Rumors: HR PufnStuf Remake

    Subsequent to writing this parody, we have been informed that there may be a real person who could be confused with "Pyrezolia" in that he could be the actual producer of a real remake, set for 2007 release. His name is Marty Krofft.

    We have no knowledge whether the above parody of the shark derby has anything to do with the script or other development work by Sony, Nichelodeon, or any other motion picture production company.

    We made up this satire before we heard the rumors about a real remake. Apologies to the real cast, crew, production company, shareholders and public at large for any unintended offense; none has been intended.

    The name "Pyrezolia" is a madeup name for, what we thought, was a madeup movie. We were wrong on two counts:

  • 1. As of 2005, Jack Black is rumored to be Witchiepoo in a remake. Marty Krofft stated in April 2005 that he wanted to use low tech digital for a "Land of the Lost" remake to make it look similar to the original series.

  • 2. Before 2000, there had been rumors flying around about a remake. In 2000, Sony was rumored to be involved in a remake.

    To be clear:

  • A. The accident above is fictional and there is nothing real nor should anyone take away an implied comment about the safety or filming conditions of the actual remake;

  • B. The above satire-parody-story involving the derby has nothing to do with the actual rumors related to a real remake;

  • C. We make no claim that Marty Krofft has been involved in any accident; nor do we suggest, imply, state or want to leave any impression that Mr. Krofft is in any way using live sharks or harming any animals in the making of HR PufnStuf;

  • D. The above derby and the fictional account of the HR PufnStuf remake is a pure fabrication and has nothing to do with the actual remake-film;

  • E. There is nothing wrong with any of the real actors cast to play HR PufnStuff. There has been no accident;

  • F. There has been no accident involving film crews, producers, or any of the cast of the HR PufnStuf Remake in the Massachusetts derby; and

  • G. We make no claim that the real actor cast as HR PufnStuff is a shark.

    The above story is made up and was originally intended for entertainment purposes based solely on the similarity between the image of the Tiger Shark and HR Pufn Stuff.

    We apologize to anyone who read the above satire-parody and believed there was an actual accident involving [a] the actor who apparently was cast as the real HR Pufn Stuff in the remake; and/or [b] the crew or production staff who are apparently working on the remake.

    We wish Marty Krofft, Jack Black rumored to be Witchiepoo, and the rest of the cast and crew of the HR PufnStuf remake a safe and successful motion picture development effort.

    Legal [ Return ]:

    A. The images above are for illustration and entertainment purposes only. Further, the combination of the Tiger Shark photos, links, and other material is designed for educational and research purposes. There is no commercial gain, nor does this site accept any funding for advertising.

    B. The image on the left is from the derby; the image on the right is of a real DVD; the DVD images, in reality, has nothing to do with this actual derby incident in MA. The association of the two images is for entertainment only. The PufnStuf image was selected because of it's similarity to the TigerShark. That is called a new, novel association or collection. A new idea. Something the Constitution was designed to not simply protect, but to encourage. Free exchange of new ideas in the form of humor and entertainment.

    C. We feel, because of transformative nature and collection of photos in a unique and novel way, that the combination of the DVD image with the original photo is a new creation or "collection", therefore transformative and is an exception to the copyright rules under the "fair use" exception. Moreover, the research and educational objectives of this blog entry are further supported by the various links to sites with an educational not a commercial objective.

    D. To see a sample case of a parody, see the Mattel case here. In the above case, the DVD is not being parodied; rather, the parody is the derby which is clearly stated as the object of the parody; and there is no reasonable confusion that the product or DVD itself is being parodied.

    E. Thus we believe that a cause of action brought against this blog would constitute an exceptional case under the Landham Act, warranting full reimbursement of all attorney costs associated with keeping the above images intact in the present collection, per Fed. R. App. P. 39(a)(4).

    F. Based on the above, we are fully prepared to litigate and expect to prevail in any cause of action brought. We look forward to using any and all litigation as a means to share with the world the grace and beauty of the Tiger Shark and its similarity with HRPufnStuff.

    G. We make no claim that HR PufNStuff is a Tiger Shark. We're not sure what it is, but it sure look like one. That is our personal opinion and should not be relied upon if you are doing serious oceanographic research into either Tiger Sharks or HR PufnStuff. If you have questions about Tiger Sharks and their similarity to HR PufnStuff, we kindly request that you please consult a professional, certified, and licensed oceanographer.