Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Monday, July 18, 2005

List of Scandals: Brining down the White House

Correction: Should read "Bringing down the White House".

-- If scandals were "good" we would've included the G.


Some are wondering which scandal will bring down the Bush house.

But the real scandals that will break the camels back are the ones that remain unknown.

Until today! Here's a list of the scandals that will surface, at the same time and end the House of Bush.

1) RG: Rose Gate

This is a scandal over the roses in the garden. They aren't what you think they are. They were bought and paid for by things too evil to contemplate. [That's why they named it a "flower" so you would get fooled.]

2) SLS: Stupid legislator scandal

These dudes got caught selling whiskey to minors who were actually undercover 60 minute reporters working as DC cabbies.

3) SSS: Surfside Sweet Shop

The facts are too disgusting to place, even on this blog. It involves alot of milk products, shampoo, and kickbacks to some really crazy people from the South Side of DC. [Here's a hint: They didn't use the shampoo to clean themselves]

4) SNATXC: Saturday Night at the XLC-Camp

An isolated farm. Three large penguins. And a helicopter. Then it gets worse.

5) SAOTDAMCASTSLARBS: Secret Agency on the dole; a media company; and something that sounds like a really bad sitcom

And worse. It actually became a sitcom. And America got hooked to more mindlessness.

6) SONEONM: Shades of night, even on the moon

The shuttle disaster wasn't' what you thought it was. The contractors involved wanted more. Their first stop was NASA. Now, they've created a secret base on the Moon. But they want the American tax payers to pay the bill, but not get access to the photos.

7) UMDC: Underground money, deeds, contracts

The children were homeless. Then the republicans kicked them out of their tent city.

8) JCTORC: JTTF committing torture on Republican cats

You heard the rumors. You saw the videos. But that was only the beginning.

9) SOAS: The Scandal of All Scandals

Weird science. Biology gone bad. You thought the President was acting goofy. That's because metallic robots from Venus have exchanged our leader with one of their own. The real George Bush is acting as a servant for their Queen. In an undisclosed location.

10) STATS: Secret tapes, and then some

The scandal which brought us news; now is the news. This is the story of how a redneck turned millionaire went on to create a Federal Holiday for Rednecks. But he didn't stop there. He bribed the Senators to pass legislation making the children indentures servants.

11) BHWRC: Bad Holiday, with Rowdy Cowgirls

You saw the movie. Now it's real life. These damsels didn't want to just be cheerleaders. They wanted it all. Go under cover and find out how much they corrupted American teenage youth, just for a shot at stardom.

12) LNS: The lexis nexis scandal

You heard of the Westlaw Scandal. This one is worse. The entire internet is sold off to a foreign oil magnate. But America only gets crappy XML feeds in return. And they don't work.

13) UWWBJB: Underwater whalebait for the JuneBug

The lawyers descended. Then they got greedy. The land was barren. But they knew it had oil. Insiders inside the inside go undercover to expose the White House connection to bad land deals gone badder.

14) COTSRWBH: Children of the Sun return with bad hair

They were poor college students. But then they turned to the darkside. Not just on the Sun, but they went inside. This is the tale of how they escaped, and the torture they endured to reveal the secrets. And it involves alot of really bad makeup.