Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Bloggers offer US government a deal

If the United States impeaches Bush, the bloggers will stop the torment.

Blog Free Zones to Begin

Beginning June 14th, bloggers will let government officials be free of blogging comments in exchange for impeaching the President.

To stay off the blog list, all government officials must take an oath to the constitution under penalty of perjury and submit that in writing to Congress under a penalty of perjury and federal false claims acts.

Since the bloggers began letting select government officials into the immunity zone, one of the biggest complaints has been that the year-old program is too limited to be of much use.

Now, a privately run version coming online could spur efforts to broaden the program to more government employees.

Similar systems exist on some European websites.

The bloggers' "registered government official program," which is free for now while in its test phase, has been capped at 10,000 participants, and cards obtained at one airport don't work at others.

If you don't get your card, you will be subjected to blogging.

While some government official deserve to be blogged, it doesn't make sense for everyone to face the wrath for the sins of the leadership.

The proposal says bloggers expect to have 3.3 million members across the nation within six years, with annual memberships going through the roof.

"Hay, we don't want to get blogged. We're signing up."

That kind of participation is well beyond the scope of the FBI's capability.

"We're so stupid, we can't even get our own agents off their ass. How are we going to compete against these bloggers?"

Not everyone, however, is ready for trusted-blogging to go into effect.

"I'm not really sure what all this free speech is about. I'm with Hitler. Too much freedom is dangerous. Those bloggers need to be sent to Guantanamo. And fast. This is really scary what the bloggers are doing. All this typing. I can't sleep."

Bloggers were just smiling.

"We have more information about you than the NSA. We know when you are sleeping, when you've been bad, and when you've been using anonymizers to look at porn at work using official govenrment computers. Adjacent to the conference room. Your desk chair is gray. And the stickers on your computer are to be removed. No laughter. Stop talking about Dilbert. No one is safe."

Other observers worry that the blogs will be tempting to crazies whose records are clean enough to earn them a "trusted" label.

"We can't allow these bloggers to be innocent. They're just going below the radar."

"Everyone complains: `Why are you blogging?' But if you don't blog, that's what the government is going to focus on to spread more arrogance and stupidity."

"Wow, this is kind of scary."

"Yes, it's what democracy is all about. You never know what's going to happen."

"Didn't they fix the election though?"

"Yes, but this isn't a democracy. It's Bushworld. Where they only pretend to be free. Now get back to blogging. We have minds to liberate from the clutches of the evil Donald Rumsfeld. Before he can corrupt them to sign away their souls."

"Is he the devil?"

"Worse. He's a government employee. Blog! Blog and you will be free!"


Satire, plagiarized, and repurposed with a parody version of the attached. For non commercial uses and not to be copied for commercial uses. This is entertainment only.

Nobody was tortured in the production of this blog. Not something the American dogs can say. Certain phrases have been reworked, others have been copied.

There is no intent to claim ownership to the above. The original copy right belongs to the author, BRIAN BERGSTEIN of the Associated Press.

The above story is a complete fabrication. Do not pass it along to others unless you tell them it was made up. Compare the two versions. You will see that there have been changes and revisions.

The purpose of these alterations is to highlight a stupid program. If the government wants to subject Americans to these "checks," then government officials should first submit themselves to similar checks by bloggers: Intrusion, examination, loyalty oaths, and even close examination of their underwear.

We can't actually do that, so we're going to blog.

Here's the deal: You start obeying the laws of war and we'll blog about something else. Until then, you're fair game. If you don't want to get blogged about, then start enforcing your laws and quit your bitching that the world no longer cares when your employees get hurt while they engage in wars of aggression.

Americans refuse to hold their leadership to account, so there's no reason to really have much respect for those who "talk about freedom" but then dance around and pretend "their violations" are OK.

That's no better than the arrogance the British RedCoats showed in the Colonies. American government officials are no different than the Red Coats: Arrogant, intrusive, and they are indecent. They daily commit the same acts of tyranny which the framers debated prior to the Declaration of Independence.

Americans can do better. They need new leaders. And they need Presidents that enforce the laws, not make up excuses to violate the those laws.

Is America safer? I don't think so. More are outraged, fewer trust America, and America's military is growing weaker. They don't have enough money to train troops.

It is shame. Sadly, we realize that America was only built upon lies: Lies in the stock market, lies in the court room, and lies in public service.

Why should the world care that the "American empire" is dawning; or that others are looking for new paths?

America is failing, it wants all people to follow "their path," but America is lost. Arrogant. And not to be trusted.

Even their leaders talk about arrogance. They say, "This is outrageous what they're saying about us."

Actually, it's outrageous what you're doing.

Rise above the words, America. Look at your own actions. Stop whining that the world is dare using the freedoms you only talk about: Freedom to speak.

If you don't like people "talking bad about you," then simply follow the laws of war. If you're doing the right thing, then don't take the "reasonable public comments" about your government personally."

But the fact that you are reacting defensively raises the prospect the concerns are valid and that you continue to go along with that which deserves to be ridiculed.

Beware the arrogant Americans! Their lawyers will "make rules" to justify awful things. Hitler's lawyers did the same thing.

Americans ignore the laws when it is convenient for them. They are not to be trusted.