Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Iraq: What would Caesar do?

Caesar would solve the problem: Strategic City Stabilization Initiative (SCSI).

It remains to be seen how the proposed SCSI integrates with the existing contractor list:

  • Issue A: Basis for SCSI Grant Award

    Lesson: Inside information doesn't mean better plans, or higher probability of success.

    Monitor: To what extent the contractors "already there, not performing" are given a green light to continue with the larger effort, despite an apparent proven record of not being able to achieve the results

  • Issue B: Integration of plans within

    Risk Not only are there problems with the original objective/plan [which changed from WMD to democracy/nation building, despite ignored-risks], the next phase is to integrate a second set of planning assumptions on top of an already mish-mash of plans-contractors-changing missions.

    Monitor Extent to which the new SCSI is or is not effectively integrated with the current development efforts.

    * * *

    First, have a meeting in Portugal with the Iranians, Chinese, and Hamas to determine how he could spread the prestige. Then seek thoughts from the British, French, Germans, Japanese, and Russians.

    Second, direct that coal-mining operations in Iraq, Russia, and Iran focus on supporting steam-powered railway operations.

    Third, direct legal advisors to develop contracts that would reward those who could train the ground forces in Iraq; and punish those contractors who were not performing.

    Fourth, institute a domestic draft, increase manning in Iraq to 1M, and rotate the national guard back home.

    Fifth, use the national mobilization to employ the poor, untrained, and put them to work securing the boarders.

    Sixth, tell the Senate, that if they have something better to offer, they are free to debate among themselves a list of success criteria for more suitable options. Caesar may consider them.

    Seventh, invite the Iranians into Iraq as have the Pakistanis invited India.

    Eighth, invite, then persuade Hamas to train the Iraqis in counterinsurgency, and learn from the peace between the Irish and the British.

    Ninth, direct all those who have a problem with this plan to present their grievances within 12 hours, or forever be silent.

    Tenth, direct the generals to be clear with the resources they need, then support their requirements two-fold.

    Eleventh, severely punish in meaningful ways any person or corporation who falsely reports what they are doing, how they spend their money, and increase audits on those contractors supporting this effort.

    Twelfth, make it clear to all that they should fear Caesar more than the enemy.

    Thirteenth, publicly account before the court all crimes, and let all see that Caesar is not above the law, nor is Caesar in contravention with the law.

    Fourteenth, direct the coal mining operations to expand throughout the region, support the steam-powered energy requirements in the railway, homes, and heating; while at the same time working to find safe places to create oil refinery operations.

    Fifteenth, direct his most trusted aide to dress as a lowly peasant and report back on what is going on.

    Sixteenth, personally plan the details of a national celebration in Iraq so that all could enjoy a day of happiness, and recognize what they have accomplished through sacrifice.

    Seventeenth, until the oil exports are flowing, ensure that the Iraqis use steam-powered engines to clean out their fields, swamps, and sewers; and that the air conditioning and cooling systems were steam and coal-fired.

    Eighteenth, take with due compensation, the patents for natural gas and hydrogen batter cells to give the people a means to travel safely; while machines are stationary and not moving, there should be a means to store the exhaust, and then use it while they are running.

    Nineteenth, talk with the Chinese to see what could be done to support their future energy requirements; and show them the value of contributing labor to secure Iraq so that oil could more cheaply exported to the growing Chinese economy.

    Twentieth, take a break, have a snack, then go talk to the Iraqis to see how they are doing. Listen to them, and learn from Hamas and the Chechens.

    Twenty-first, seek secure sources of raw materials in Africa, train the locals to perform new skills, and listen to the locals to help them organize to solve their problems.

    Twenty-second, remind all that the world can learn from the Pakistanis and Indians and we expect other nations to apply their example in Africa, the Middle East, and Latin America.

    Twenty-third, as a reminder of what must be done, make personal visits to those in Louisiana, and parade his Generals before the weak and destitute to remind them what is unacceptable.

    Twenty-third, train the security forces and streets to watch for real criminal behavior; and quickly accept reports of crimes and wrong doing from the weak, the poor, and those in the government, with bounties to those who reveal corruption, malfeasance, and incompetence.

    Twenty-fourth, burn all the government files of trivial personal nature; give amnesty to all; with full warning that crimes will now be punished more harshly according to the law.

    Twenty-fifth, designate a day in the next month, where all citizens are invited to mock Caesar in any way they desire. With a public prize Caesar shall reward to those who can most ably deride, mock, and excite the crowd with their derision and scolding. Caesar would then assign a special brigade to guard this person, and direct that they protect the most able as they venture around the country. After one month, they would then return to Caesar to share what they had learned from the weak, tired, and poor and what has not been addressed.

    Twenty-sixth, designate a day for the entertainers, actors, and buffoons who parade as clowns to wear the most absurd clothing; to mock and taunt the paparazzi with unsightly clothes which editors and publishers must publish on this day only. Then there would be a festival to mock those who mock the entertainers.

    Twenty-seventh, prepare a prize for the one who most quickly embraces the spirit of Caesar, and for one week they are afforded the special role as special advisor to Caesar; then they will be sent away with glory to teach others to do the same.

    He would make this so by decree, example, and with a single edict.

    It is time to beat the drums.

    To awaken the lazy Senate to the new day.

    All this before sunrise.

    They day has not started.

    Then it might be time to think about work, and the problems at home.

    * * *

    Update 6 Dec 2006 Caesar wonders why it took so long to not liten: ISG Recommendations