Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Judicial staff: Good with sausage-making

Look, if it was pretty it wouldn't be challenging. Yes, Virginia, there are politics in "non-political" offices.

Want this job:

Essential Qualifications .
Between the lines
Excellent tactIf you have to lie and get caught violating your freely chosen-professional integrity standards, blame the witness-informant for not understanding that you actually did the opposite of what they are accusing you of doing/not doing.
  • Of course we never actually made those ethics-standards [that we use to justify these salaries] a requirement -- they look good when justifying boon-doggles, I mean " training conferences."
  • Mature judgmentKnowing when to put something in writing and knowing when to deny it. Only make oral statements inside the administrative office where no recording devices are allowed.

    We talk about principles, but do not actually practice them.

    FlexibilityKnee pads.
    Ability to handle a high volume of workIf you can't actually do the work, tell your boss that there is no problem and no need to do anything.
  • Deny the severity of the problem by saying, "That happens all the time," "that's a minor concern" and "they were just making a big deal out of nothing."
  • If pressed, tell them you were misquoted, and that they really didn't understand.
  • Practice saying this to your boss, "Of course there's nothing in writing -- I took no notes as it was a waste of time."
  • Deny, deny, deny.
  • Ability to prioritizeBlame the integrity officer for "wasting your time" and that you've got more important excuses for inaction to create.
  • Forget whether or not the problems have been solved.
  • We're all in this together now that the US Attorney has convinced the Old Crusty Judge to throw the clerk in jail.
  • Do not talk about the improved ratings for the judges case management our best lobbyist-judge received with those file-deletions.
  • We're not going to admit we got a kick back from the judges for the "improved case-management ratings" -- they lobbied the legislature for more funds; who do you think was going to get the additional money? That's more liquor for those Puerto Rico parties!
  • Nobody will say anything -- the defendants will never go to the FBI asking why they weren't called back.
  • Repeat after me and memorize: "Management had no knowledge of this flaw in the stoftware." Ignore the fact that we designed the software and refused to fix the "problem" -- who wants to put the slush fund at risk? We need our toys!
  • Must have effective oral and written communication skills appropriate with communicating with judicial officers and their staff.
  • Note: The "effective communication standard" applies only in-house; it does not apply to public-court communication.
  • Ignore the easy access we give to the media, but the many stonewalls thrown before the public . Their suggestions of "needed reform" in the ineffectual judicial branch are to be discredited as are those rumors of "there were no WMD." Lies, lies, lies.
  • Public-government interface is a trait that is only talked about, but not effectively practiced. Anyone who comments on "ineffective judicial branch communication with the public" must not be allowed to quote our speeches celebrating public oversight.
  • Accuse the justifiably-skepitcal-public of w"asting our important time" ... that we need to spend hiding from the FBI. Do not talk about the "all knowing one" we have hidden in the dungeon, Toto.
  • Deny anyt information the FBI alludes to suggesting we lie, are unreliable, or could be impeached if brought before a grand jury. Hope the FBI I-drive doesn't have stuff that proves otherwise.
  • Dissuade all questions related to the previous guy who retired suddenly and is forcing us to make this job announcement that we still can't fill.
  • The rumors of a power struggle and cover-up during the audit are not to be believed.
  • Despite the large number of whistleblowers who refused to recant their statements to the inspectors [and the hand-full of malcontents at the "old location we wont mention where this guy really screwed up"], all derogatory information has been discredited [we hope].

  • Stickers here: