Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Patriot Act: How to get around the restrictions

Some are concerned that the Patriot Act will prohibit Americans from doing certain things.

However, there are workarounds.

Don't tell the FBI. This is not to be shared with the heathens in DoJ.

Disclaimer for Stupid FBI: This is Satire, Entertainment Purposes Only -- That means humor. Know what that is? I didn't think so

Note: The text after "risks" is from Congressman Conyers; I've added the workaround.

Never fear, you're still free!

* Risk: Receive secret intelligence orders for any tangible thing, including library or medical records, if the government can show only "relevance" to terrorism. The target DOES NOT have to be suspected of any wrongdoing.

Workaround: Stop going to the doctor, library, and have no possessions. Live in a cave. Make cave drawings. Are they going to seize the entire cave?

* Risk: Be permanently gagged even after he's turned over his most personal information;

Workaround: Assume everyone has been gagged.

* Risk: Have his home searched and not find out for a month, or even longer - all for the convenience of law enforcement;

Workaround: See "Move to Cave" Option.

* Risk: Expect his personal data to sit in databases indefinitely, including his financial and medical insurance records;

Workaround: Give all your money to charity, stop going to the doctor. See "live in Cave" option.

* Risk: Be sent to prison for telling someone he received a secret order to turn over information and not getting the Justice Department's permission first.

Workaround: Assume everyone is turning in information. Assume the DoJ-heaethens will say, "No" so don't bother asking. Assume everyone has received a secret order --See "Live in Cave" option.

And buy alot of canned vegetables to keep you regular!

American Sepis, you're free to remain regular, and live in a cave!

* * *

Note, it doesn't appear as though there are restrictions on someone, who has not received a letter, from stating, "I have not received a letter."

Bush et al like to find "wiggle room" to justify torture; Given Rice's nuances [read bullshit over torture] would it not be permissible if the entire world was to simply assert, "I have recevied no letter", add those names to a list [that we're all on anyway], and then when people say, "I am no longer able to assert that . . ."

. . . remove them from the "list of people who have not received a letter" and add them to the list of "peple who are not longer able to talk about reality."

* * *

If Bush is allowed to "come up with ways to get around the rules over abuse" why aren't other people able to legally do what is not specficially forbidden?


Take that, you heathens in the DoJ!