Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Bush to back out of debate: To blame evil Chechen Rebels hiding in Arizona

Chechens on holiday, get lost on Border town. Drink too much beer, and Border Patrol unable to find them. They're lost in Arizona. Can you find them?

Here's a definitive "we're clueless" confirmation:

"We don't know whether or not that report is true," . . . . unable to verify its accuracy . . . group of Oaxacan tribesmen who were stopped as they tried to cross the border in Arizona. The tribesmen spoke an Indian language native to southern Mexico that may have been mistaken for Arabic . . .

Stop! Border control agents. On the Mexican border. Unable to tell the difference between Spanish. And Arabic.

Questions for Analysis

The Border Control agents aren't able to understand Spanish dialects?

How many Border control agents are assigned who do not understand Spanish?

Are we saying that besides a language translation problem in the FBI in re Arabic, that DHS has a problem with actually understanding languages on our own border? Ref

What were people from Oaxacan doing near the US border? Does that make any sense?

Stop! ... No! Nobody travels wearing this kind of clothing. They wear jeans!

Besides they like Climbing mountains, they're not going to settle for the lowlands of Arizona.

We are in trouble: Americanos Estúpidos.

Let's go through the chain of excuses the FBI is going to come up with.

The Many Excuses

  • Diversion: Mention something about schools and kids

    So, in other words, just like the FBI got all excited about some internet-surfing-dude in Iraq [and then reported the internet-surfing to the schools], so too are they clueless. So, it isn't "news" that the FBI is stupid. Must be something else.

  • Denial: Plead ignorance about the 9-11 recommendations

    Wait a minute. Wasn't all this "cluelessness" supposed to have been solved by the 9-11 recommendations? Oh, wait...they decided to ignore those. That's right. That's not news either, so it must be something else.

    So, what's the real reason behind this? I mean "what unexpected event" suddenly appeared on the horizon that would require a fanciful tale tell us "something new" that we didn't already know?

  • Avoid: Do not mention war crimes, civil rights violations

    Hmmm...let's think: Torture? No, we already know the CIA is torturing Americans and making them disappear. Illegal wiretaps? No, the FBI already got caught lying about that one. Violations of the Bill of Rights? No, that's been going on for years.

    Think, think! It must be something close. Something going on.

    What could it possibly be?

  • Ignore: The obvious

    Bush flubbed pretty bad on the first two debates. He botched the first one, despite the radio responses through the ear-piece.

    The second debates were just as raunchy. Let's face it, Kerry is ahead, deserves to be President, and the Bush-boy is a moron. But hay, let's not be overly patronizing to the Commander-in-Moron.

    The guy's got a learning disability. He's learning, and ... nevermind.

    So, anyway, when the FBI starts issuing these silly notices about Chechen Rebels in the Arizona mountains, know it really has more to do with moving the debates, or canceling them.

    Another insecure location? Who cares. Bush is an idiot. There I said it.

  • Oh, my Gawd! You don't think the "October Surprise" is that George Bush is going to admit that he lost his transmitter, and that some Chechen Rebels are sitting in the mountains of Arizona, drinking beer, and are belching so loud that Cheney cannot scream loud enough into the microphone:

    Mr President, remember, left foot, right foot...left foot, right foot... Stop. Turn around. Wave... Pause. Smile. Adjust microphone. OK. Ready. Say, "It's great to be in Arizona. I remember the last time I was in the hot sun, and they said you need to come visit here more often.... Yuck, yuck, yuck."

    Blame the Chechens!

    Media Campaign

    As of 13 Oct 2004

    Nasty, bad things are prophesized. Don't be on the wrong side of the Bible, Muhammad! Invite FBI agents to your place of worship to have your ID checked before you disappear on the CIA-express.

    Our Security Depends on Their Stupidity