Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Cheney Secret Talks With Australians

What do you think Cheney wanted the Australians not to talk about?

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___ Alternate location for US government officials in event US attacked: Congress is getting close, Pelosi isn't' backing down, and the Sergeant at Arms is breathing deeply.

___ Status of secret US reconnaissance landing facility in Australia: Is there enough water, how much will the in flight meals cost, and what about those in flight restroom visits: Use of Eucalyptus tree oil as a polymer resin as a defensive shield.

___ Cheney's right to use Australia for political asylum: Will he be able to run around in his underwear, or will the Koala bears scream.

___ Whether Australia would or would not enforce extradition for war crimes: Eight ball says, "Depends on how much money Halliburton invests in Sydney desalination projects."

___ Secret project to monitor Chinese military in Central Asia: Using big mirrors, a large wind chime, and well-trained kangaroos.

___ Authority to use Australia as launching pad to defend Taiwan from Chinese plastic-toy exports: The toys are filled with RFID chips, can penetrate walls, and read Cheney's thoughts -- the worst kind. Cheney wants the Australians to crate an impenetrable "mind blocking"-device using chemicals only found in Australia.

___ What's really doing on at the the place the US said it was making a forward basing area for intelligence monitoring: Creating a new "underground, unspecified location" for Cheney at the center of the Earth.

___ Using Australia to house non-charged prisoners: The worst kind of prisoners -- one's who are well financed, well fed, and have high-profile lawyers formerly assigned to the US Attorney's office. They cannot be stopped and plan to wreak havoc as revenge for their untimely "resignations".

___ Requesting Australian agents enter the US to conduct a special reconnaissance mission: Determine if American Idol's Simon really is going to have a spin off starring Cheney's daughter-in-law.

___ Establishing a regional alliance to monitor Chinese naval shipping crossing the Indian Ocean to Africa, focusing on traffic going to Somalia, with special interest on the Port of Aiden shipping on March 27 carrying salmon-flavored rice cakes.

___ Establishing a new port for special operations center which Congress and National Security Council have not been informed: Condi is hearing rumors and is about to cut off all her hair and won't take no for an answer.

___ Discussing the planned US acquisition of one of three Australian ports which will be maintained and operated by a US subsidiary owned by the United Arab Emirates: Gonzalez wants to wear a pirate costume at the opening ceremony. Where can Cheney get an authentic pirate hook?

___ Using Australian airspace to test experimental high speed, high altitude reconnaissance aircraft with advanced rocket technology: Addington will be strapped to a rocket, hair lit afire, soaked with high octane canola oil jet fuel.

___ Copies of transcripts of American intercepts related to Australian government access to sensitive information in the United Kingdom: Cheap Beatles Music Downloads.

___ Effort to create impression that United Sates and Australia are discussing something important as a test to see which personnel around the globe talk about it.

___ Planned technology transfer, with emphasis on US problems in an engineering field which the Australians do not realize they possess, but the United States desperately needs: BBQ Sauce, Foster's Beer, and winter-weather hunting outfits.

___ It was a test to see who in the US embassy in Australia was leaking message traffic to the Tanzanian army, suspected of plotting a coup in Madagascar using rubber mallots, cherry switches, and loud music.

___ Information related to US tests of Australian beef imports: The US discovered it was squid, Cheney is addicted, and wants more.

___ Planned secret US deployment of missile defense shield in Indonesia, and request for Australian government cooperation despite rift over drunk immigrants.

___ Problems with US Navy contract repair facility and US suspicions that Australian Navy repair contractors have been caught removing parts; US Spy satellites over Antarctica discovered the Australian contractors fabricating a ship with the Spare Parts. Cheney wants to use the ship as an alternate command post during the Oscars.