Bush Begins Post Presidency Job Search

The NSA has been monitoring the President's online surfing, and has caught him looking at his post-Presidency job prospects.

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LCN: White House Oval Office



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"Ability to satisfactorily communicate (verbal and written) with co-workers, guests and management."

Bush

May be a problem.

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"Ability to read and comprehend simple instructions."

Bush

So much for mission accomplished. Who has time to read "simple"?

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"Ability to apply common sense understanding to carry out detailed but uninvolved written or oral instructions."

Bush

"Common Sense" -- [Bush Checking Internets] Google on the internets: "Sound judgment not based on specialized knowledge; native good judgment."

Deciders have native Texas judgement-ations.

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"PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS: While performing the duties of this job, the associate is regularly required to sit, walk, talk, hear and taste and smell and inspect."

Bush

Barney's got that covered.

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"The associate frequently is required to use hands, to handle or feel objects, tools, or controls, and reach with hands and arms."

Bush

Replay of situation room video conference.

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"Shall be able to exert up to 50 pounds of force occasionally, and/or up to 25 pounds of force frequently, and/or greater than negligible up to 10 pounds of force constantly move objects."

Bush

Memo to me: "Increase beer-quotation-ent intake."

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"WORKING CONDITIONS: Subject to long periods of walking and standing, outdoor weather conditions, exposure to chemicals used in cleaning."

Bush

High pitched whistling sounds would make this a dental office for Padilla.

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"The noise level in the work environment is usually moderate."

Bush

Condi's already screaming at Negroponte-pants. Who's got some of those GITMO headphones?

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ESSENTIAL JOB FUNCTIONS:

"Wash pots, pans, dishes, and glassware."

Bush

I'll bang those pots before I clean them. I don't need a helmet.

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"Wash heavy kitchen equipment such as braising pan, steam kettle, flour bins, cres-cors, queen Mary, carts, glass rack dollies, food warmers, and dish dollies."

Bush

Quenn Mary, and dollies. . . my kind of kitchen.

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"Clean kitchen equipment such as microwave, sinks, soup wells, shelving, reach-ins, walls, dish machines, dough sheeter, alto-sham, fryers, broiler, and walk-ins."

Bush

Pelosi's got that one.

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"Organize china, glassware, and silver."

Bush

Organize . . .hay, Karl check this.

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"Perform basic culinary prep duties as assigned by the Executive Chef "

Bush

I'm the Executive!

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"Keep kitchens free of debris and unused equipment."

Bush

The US army equipment ... unusued? No, it's used.

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"Sweep and mop floors. "

Bush

Hastert!

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"Empty garbage cans into compactor."

Bush

Cheney must have their number.

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"Polish silver and copper hollowware and flatware."

Bush

Poles have a line of silverware?

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"Do banquet set-ups and deliver its meal functions."

Bush

"Do" "setup" and "delivery" -- slow down.

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"Bringing in, connecting, and operating dumpsters."

Bush

Barney's got another job. Presidential Poochi -- Two ; El Deciderio -- Zero.

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"Operate and clean dish machines."

Bush

I thought machines fixed themselves.

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"Operate sink disposals."

Bush

Where's the job training for this . . . ?

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"Previous experience not required, but a plus. Able to work flexible hours"

Bush

Perfect. I can get some bike riding in before Cindy Sheehan finds me.



Can you guess the job?

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This is one job the President is not qualified for: Ability to read and comprehend simple instructions.