Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

DoJ Job Shifting: How they do less with more

A cuationary tale before you listen to an FBI agent say, "Could you write this up for us." It only gets worse.

The greatest insult is when, after you do exactly as they ask, they scream, "It was your choice." DoJ has more than a credibility problem.

It has a problem with legitimacy. agents attending school in Quantico are possibly learning new tricks: Job shifting, how to do less with less.

The ruse goes like this. The first trick is to deny any government interest in the issue. "That's not our department."

But it involves alot of money. Big contracts. And US Title...


Then the public is told to "do what they can" to get more information.

Oh, you want paperwork, something in writing?

"We'll be glad to go over it with you."

With piles of paper to back up your case, the FBI then says, "If you have something more specific, we could sit down and go over it."

Next time, the absurdity reaches a crescendo. The agents reverse themselves.

In an accusatory tone they question why someone would come back, going so far as to say, squinting and blinking quickly because of a bad prescription, "Where have I seen your face before?"

Maybe it was in your boyfriend's wallet.

"This is way too confusing. Are you sure you really understand what you're saying? It would really be helpful if you wrote all this out.""

Do you want it in long hand, typed, computer-generated, or do you prefer it in a camera-ready style for the grand jury and court to review?


A crowd will start to gather. Prepare to be accused of something.

Ask the Supervisory Special Agent in Charge ["Stupid Sack", SS Poodle Boy] for some 302s. These are the forms the FBI agents are asked to fill out.

You have to type them. They fill them out by hand. If you're really lucky, you'll see them actually write on it. With a pen. That works. And has ink!

Some people get confused what to put into writing. Once again, the agents are no help.

"I'm not allowed to tell you what to write. But start with an allegation. Make it sound like you're telling a story."

Oh, so you want us to be a screen writer as well. Next thing the agents will be demanding is a shoe shine, some free pens, and a backrub.

For help in doing the agent's work, get copies of the FBI Manual on Administrative Operating Procedures MAOP and the US Attorney Manual.

These are very interesting guides on what the courts need to know to throw people in jail. Well, they might use them for a press releases. Or to add some roughage to that paper shredder. The stuff from the I-drive they "forgot" to turn over to the US Attorney. Ooops!

Yet, once the information is collected, the FBI doesn't take it. They have something else to not do.

"We'll call you back. If the prosecutor needs more information the check...the phone call will be on your way."

And DoJ leadership wonders why people don't bother contacting the FBI with problems.

So what's going on here? Why are DoJ personnel acting like normal government contractors, removing the cover page, and then replacing it with the FBI emblem?

It would be helpful if the FBI provided copies of their official coverpages on their website. That way the public would have the correct form for final approval.

Does the US Attorney know how difficult it is to get information in? Oh, that's right. The US Attorney is the same person who refused to take problems about allegations of misconduct within government.

"We can't sue ourselves."

Neither can Congress. So much for oversight. Learn well at Quantico!

"Next class after safety is "Ways To Refuse To Do Anything,' then volleyball."

Just a few weeks, and you'll be out of there, in your office, dreaming up new excuses not to do your job. Well done!

Be nice, don't call them incompetent. Call them stupid. They don't know the difference anyway.