Gates Speech

Surrender monkeys in Baghdad throw peanuts at SecDef, dressed as Santa Clause on Christmas Eve.

[Legend: Added text in italics, not part of original; original speech at end for reference.]

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Mr. President . . . You have asked for my candor and my honest counsel at this critical moment in our nation's history, and you will get both. Whether you will take my candor and counsel is another question.

Mr. Vice President, thank you for administering the oath of office. I first worked closely with the Vice President when he was a very successful Secretary of Defense, and I hope some of that may rub off. I can't wait for more Iran-Contra things . . . .[evil laugh]

My sincere thanks to the members of the United States Congress who are here today. I appreciate the prompt and fair hearing that I received in the Senate and the confidence that senators have placed in me. I realize there was little alternative: Nobody else was willing to have a cooking spit rammed through their rear-end.

Chairman Pace, thank you. I look forward to working with you and the Joint staff. You might want to look for another job. How would you like to be the director of covert operations in the Pentagon? We have secret missions, and your job will be to make sure Congress never finds out about the secret military units staffed by CIA agents, placed by Abraxas in foreign embassies. Ooops, is this microphone on?

To the service chiefs and the service staffs, to all the uniform military here today, I value your professionalism and your experience, and I will rely on your clear-eyed advice in the weeks and months ahead. I will consult others for legal advice related to the laws of war. Maybe.

. . .

It is an honor to have the opportunity to work with the people in this Department, dedicated professionals whose overriding priority is the defense of our nation. They have a mission, and they are dedicated, but does it mean they are professionals for having put up with this non-sense?

Long ago, I learned something about leading large institutions: Leaders come and go, but the professionals endure long after the appointees are gone. Then they leave as well. We have the result.

The key to successful leadership in my view is to involve in the decision-making process early and often those who ultimately must carry out the decisions. Too bad the President doesn't agree with this.

I will do my best to do just that. Note, I didn't promise or guarantee anything, just "my best" which could mean anything. How's that résumé, General Pace?

This Department, as always, is carrying on many different activities all at the same time. That's what "department" means -- we can still wage illegal war while our defense counsel defends the President against war crimes during an impeachment.

All are valuable, all are important. However, as I said in my confirmation hearings, Iraq is at the top of the list. Everything else is not my priority. Do not mention the 5100.77 Laws of War program.

In the days since the Senate confirmed me, I have participated in most of the National Security Council meetings on Iraq -- the coffee was great; the briefing paper was a little dry, I have received a number of briefings here at the Department of Defense -- meaning the NSC and DoD aren't on the same page, in the same office, or have the same boss, and I have discussed the situation and way forward in Iraq in depth with the President. I've learned alot, mostly that alot of people know alot of things, but that isn't matching what the Iraqi insurgents are doing. We're screwed.

I intend to travel quite soon to Iraq and meet with our military leaders and other personnel there. I hope the Iraqi insurgents don't know about my plans. How's the day before Christmas? Great, pencil me in, the bloggers will never figure this one out."

I look forward to hearing their honest assessments of the situation on the ground and to having the benefit of their advice -- unvarnished and straight from the shoulder -- on how to proceed in the weeks and months ahead. Those who are foolish enough to be honest will be foolish enough to join General Pace in looking for another job. I want honest sucking up, not reality.

Another pressing concern is Afghanistan. Afghanistan is passing into the, "Ooops, we did it again"-pile with Iraq, and Vietnam."

The progress made by the Afghan people over the past five years is at risk. There is no progress, their lives are at risk, and it’s been five years. Crap. We really screwed that up. Change that: "Ooops, we did it again"-pile to include Iraq, Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Washington, DC.

The United States and its NATO allies have made a commitment to the Afghan people, and we intend to keep it. Note, I didn't say we would give anything, only that we'll keep the commitment, without any guarantee the commitment will mean anything. We're committeed to peace, democracy, and security -- but what does Congress give us? War, extremism, and instability. It's all Congress' fault. Blame them for everything. Congress didn't stop us.

Afghanistan cannot be allowed to become a sanctuary for extremists again. Too late.

How we face these and other challenges in the region over the next two years -- forget the war of generations -- will determine whether Iraq, Afghanistan, and other nations at a crossroads -- like the United States -- will pursue paths of gradual progress towards sustainable governments, which are allies in the global war on terrorism, or whether the forces of extremism and chaos will become ascendant. America's future is certain: the forces of extreme and chaos have ascended to the White House.

All of us want to find a way to bring America's sons and daughters home again. Indeed, they wall will return to America. Just don’t mention Dover and Arlington.

But, as the President has made clear, we simply cannot afford to fail in the Middle East. Failure comes at a cheap price for Americas. We haven't maxed out the Credit Cards yet, and New Years Eve is still days away.

Failure in Iraq at this juncture would be a calamity that would haunt our nation, impair our credibility, and endanger Americans for decades to come. The ghosts have arrived, the chains are rattling, and the lights are out. Are you scared yet?

Finally, there is the matter of what is referred to as defense transformation. We are transforming from a Cold War to a War War -- without the resources because this is a different kind of war -- A war we start, delare victory early and offten, but not one we fully support, wage successfully, or win..

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What I Said I said, vs. What I said vs. What I want you to believe I said

As I mentioned in my Senate testimony, I was impressed by how deployable our military has become since I last served in government. I call it the Roach Motel Defense Strategy RMDS: We can get in, we just can't get out. Hopefully none of the bloggers will look at my transcript and realize I never used the word "deployable" in my testimony before the Senate. Ooops.

I actually said the opposite, and was never amazed at their ability to be deployed quickly with equipment : "the military’s non- deployed ground forces that have a declining level of readiness to meet their wartime missions"

I didn't talk about the troops being deployed, but about the families supporting those deployments: "military families suffering from the increased strains of repeated deployments"

I didn't talk about troops, but about weapon systems: "most capable weapons systems every deployed" Having a weapon system easily deployable is not teh same as ensuring that the weapon system is funcational, accurate, or cost effective. It's there; whether it works or not is irrelvant. The goal of warfare is not to succeed in combat, but to get there first with overwhelming force, not necessarily supported to sustain combat oeprations.

I didn't talk about deployments in my opening remarks, but in a response to a question: "But if the answer to that question is that’s about the way it ought to be, that those troops are deployed in the way we want them deployed, then I’m very open to the possibility of an increase in the end strength. " -- Never mind that the troops are deployable in insufficient numbers without adequate equipment

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Gates COntinues With added remarks from the Surrender Monkeys

Before he came to office, the President said that one of his top priorities was to help our military become more agile, more lethal, and more expeditionary. He also thought the Greeks were called "Grecians." Iraq shows us what can happen to agile, lethal, expeditionary forces -- they can be defeated by teenagers with rocks.

Much has been accomplished in this; much remains to be done. Much can mean many things to many people. Much is a requirement, but it doesn't mean that much is legal. That's much too scary to contemplate. I'm much more happy now that I'm in charge.

This remains a necessity and a priority. What is important is not the same as what is doable. Victory means focusing on priorities, not whether the priority is doable.

I return to public service in the hope that I can make a difference at a time when our nation is facing daunting challenges and difficult choices. None of the choices are good, and the challenges spring from explaining how a Superpower can spiral into SuperChaos after 19 men living in caves, who can't land a plane, can incite Americans to act this stupid. We're still learning.

Mr. President, I thank you again for the opportunity to do that, and thank all of you for being here. Thanks to the Rent-A-Crowd Contractors. Please go back to work. There's alot to be done. Our first job is to explain why the Joint Chiefs are fighting each other. I've got an idea, we'll change the story and deny the White House is disagreeing with the Joint Staffs. Nobody will notice.


* * *

Original Ref

Thank you. Mr. President, I am deeply honored by the trust you have placed in me. You have asked for my candor and my honest counsel at this critical moment in our nation's history, and you will get both.

Mr. Vice President, thank you for administering the oath of office. I first worked closely with the Vice President when he was a very successful Secretary of Defense, and I hope some of that may rub off.

My sincere thanks to the members of the United States Congress who are here today. I appreciate the prompt and fair hearing that I received in the Senate and the confidence that senators have placed in me.

Chairman Pace, thank you. I look forward to working with you and the Joint staff.

To the service chiefs and the service staffs, to all the uniform military here today, I value your professionalism and your experience, and I will rely on your clear-eyed advice in the weeks and months ahead.

Finally, I want to thank Becky, my wife of 40 years; and my children, Eleanor and Brad, for their infinite patience. I want to thank other family and friends who are here, but single out one especially -- my 93-year-old mother. She told me that if she could make it from Kansas to Texas A&M football games every fall, she certainly could be in Washington for this ceremony. (Laughter and applause.)

I, too, want to say a few words about my predecessor. Donald Rumsfeld has devoted decades of his life to public service. He cares deeply about our men and women in uniform, and the future of our country. I thank him for his long and distinguished service, and wish him and Joyce and their family all the best.

It is an honor to have the opportunity to work with the people in this Department, dedicated professionals whose overriding priority is the defense of our nation. Long ago, I learned something about leading large institutions: Leaders come and go, but the professionals endure long after the appointees are gone. The key to successful leadership in my view is to involve in the decision-making process early and often those who ultimately must carry out the decisions. I will do my best to do just that.

This Department, as always, is carrying on many different activities all at the same time. All are valuable, all are important. However, as I said in my confirmation hearings, Iraq is at the top of the list.


In the days since the Senate confirmed me, I have participated in most of the National Security Council meetings on Iraq, I have received a number of briefings here at the Department of Defense, and I have discussed the situation and way forward in Iraq in depth with the President.

I intend to travel quite soon to Iraq and meet with our military leaders and other personnel there. I look forward to hearing their honest assessments of the situation on the ground and to having the benefit of their advice -- unvarnished and straight from the shoulder -- on how to proceed in the weeks and months ahead.

Another pressing concern is Afghanistan. The progress made by the Afghan people over the past five years is at risk. The United States and its NATO allies have made a commitment to the Afghan people, and we intend to keep it. Afghanistan cannot be allowed to become a sanctuary for extremists again.


How we face these and other challenges in the region over the next two years will determine whether Iraq, Afghanistan, and other nations at a crossroads will pursue paths of gradual progress towards sustainable governments, which are allies in the global war on terrorism, or whether the forces of extremism and chaos will become ascendant.

All of us want to find a way to bring America's sons and daughters home again. But, as the President has made clear, we simply cannot afford to fail in the Middle East. Failure in Iraq at this juncture would be a calamity that would haunt our nation, impair our credibility, and endanger Americans for decades to come.

Finally, there is the matter of what is referred to as defense transformation. As I mentioned in my Senate testimony, I was impressed by how deployable our military has become since I last served in government.


Before he came to office, the President said that one of his top priorities was to help our military become more agile, more lethal, and more expeditionary. Much has been accomplished in this; much remains to be done. This remains a necessity and a priority.

I return to public service in the hope that I can make a difference at a time when our nation is facing daunting challenges and difficult choices. Mr. President, I thank you again for the opportunity to do that, and thank all of you for being here. (Applause.)