Constant's pations

If it's more than 30 minutes old, it's not news. It's a blog.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Bad News For Republicans Is Never Bad Enough For The DNC

Ref Do you think the DNC is monitoring the implosion of GOP support for the Republican Party?

* * *


___ What the DNC leadership says. [Translation.]

___ A. The DNC leadership is focused on fact finding [ Focus on finding how much longer they can remain silent before the GOP Senators are forced, by their own party, to wreak revenge on the Commander in Stooge. ]

___ B. The Republicans having a bad day is meaningless. [We only pay attention to bad things if they are really bad. The GOP implosion? That's not bad. A President’s war crimes? Not bad enough. But a bad book title. Shocked!]

___ C. We don't pay attention to polls. [We only pay attention when the implosion is non-reversible, and the GOP leadership rips the hinges from the White House. Then we might start thinking about making an impeachment plan.]

___ D. With this much failure, nobody will notice inaction. [Nobody is watching us; they're all watching the Iraq disaster. Nobody reads the news anymore.]

___ E. We used to have a theory, and then we ignored facts. [If you can't win an election based on what has gone wrong, let your enemy be wrong and say nothing.]

___ F. It's a mess, but not as big of a mess yet to get excited about. [The carnage will continue; we need more GOP leadership defections. Is Lieberman still making threats? Crap, the GOP defections, when they start, will show him. He doesn't have ultimate control. I have a gavel!]

___ G. We don’t' need to plan for the future, the GOP's plan is failure, and our success. [Let's hope the disaster isn't as bad as we suspect. Somebody might ask us what our plan is if the GOP implodes into a black hole. We're not there. . . yet. Where's that, "GOP sucked into Black Hole Plan?" Get it!]

___ H. No matter what the GOP does, it will get worse. [Quicksand never smelled this good. Stand back, kids, there are alligators there and they like to eat little bloggres.]

___ I. The GOP is going through growing pains. [It pains us to smell the scent of 2008 victory. Hang on, is that our underwear on fire?]

___ J. Who cares about 2008. [The GOP is in charge in 2006, and it's still November. Thanksgiving isn't just a Holiday, it's a DNC Religion.]

___ K. When the rats jump ship, make sure the icebergs are nearby. [It's not over until the Fat Lady lights the gasoline and the Icebergs collide with the lone surviving GOP member.]

___ L. The USS Lincoln never had a nicer flight suit. [Is that picture of Al Franken photoshopped? Maybe we could use that for a promo.]

___ M. If any of the GOP moves close to the center, we might have a third party. [Is it true, could it be possible, the end of the GOP as we know it? Hold your breath, you won't turn blue.]

___ N. With the right lighting, even an idiot can be President. [Better their idiot, than our idiot. Shut up, and stop changing the channels. This is starting to get good. Where's my popcorn?]

___ O. Bring me the head of a Pig, Lancelot. [I'm starting to feel rather regal, Dartanian.]

___ P. Don't take the bait. This is a scam. The GOP is actually on the rebound. [Beware, the DNC is going to lose unless we stick together. I want your support.]

___ Q. The longer this keeps up, the less work we'll have to do. [Roll that money over from 2008 to 2010; we might have extra for the 2012 election. No more political advertising needed, baby. The GOP is not longer a threat to humanity!]

___ R. When the truth comes out, it doesn't stop. [Do you think the GOP will join us; or do we have to do something really crazy? ]

___ S. We could lie to our DNC Membership about anything. The GOP isn't attractive enough for even the most disloyal Democrat. [But what about a third party?]

___ T. Let's not rush this, and make it last. [I had no idea it was this bad; do you think that the President is going to get impeached? Of course not, we Democrats would never do anything to offend the Republicans. They are our best friends for the 2008 election.]

___ U. It's a conspiracy. [Even if we fail, we're doomed to win the 2008 Presidential election. Celebrate failure, denial, and incompetence: Republicans are welcome to join the DNC.]

___ V. This is peace in our time. [No matter what we say, it cannot change the destruction of our enemy. If you've got stupid to say, say it now. The GOP has too many problems on their hands to make sense of it.]

___ W. As long as we are not the target, we have nothing to say. [Follow Newt Gingrich's advise: When your political foe in the GOP is committing political suicide, don't stop them. Say more things that will infuriate them: "We will not impeach the President. Bipartisanship. Healthcare. Pell Grant." ]

___ X. As the post-election results come in, remember to count the votes! [We won’t need to worry about voting machine errors; with a disaster like this the margins will never be close enough to challenge without the GOP having to spend more time and money on irrelevant things. Thank you, Diebold!]

___ Y. The cold war ended, and American needed a New Enemy. Then George Bush came along. [How much will Cindy Sheehan charge us build an amusement park on her property in Texas, wit the theme: "Curious George's Fantasy Land: When the Voters Wake Up, Impeachment is Off the Table, and Resignations are Back on, Baby!"]

___ Z. Promises are meaningless when your enemy's credibility has evaporated. [Stalin may have been defeated for a while, but that didn't stop him from lowering an iron Curtain for decades.]

___ AA. The Commander in Chief has our full support. [As long as we're roasting Military Commanders, does George like his marshmallows roasted lightly or burnt?]

___ BB. The Natives are restless. [Don't get in their way. They've got pitchforks and their aimed at George's rear end. Hide the children, get the camera, and get the laundry going. It's going to get cracking.]

___ CC. Be professional. [It may be our last chance to say that with a straight face, so make it good. ]

___ DD. It has been a very long 21st Century. [The 21st Century of the DNC wasn't long enough.]

___ EE. Daddy, is that a fire in the DC skyline? [No son, it's just the rising American consciousness. They've woken up to the tyranny.]

___ FF. It's not our problem. [The RNC is in charge, and this is their mess. Let them wallow in it.]

___ GG. Remind the RNC of their success. [It' was a short conversation. Then we started about the DNC leadership. They fell asleep.]

___ HH. A few more GOP victories like this, and we can tell the activities and bloggers to go home. [The DNC won the Presidential elections for the foreseeable future. The Constitution is safe.]

___ II. Is there an impeachment in the house? [Echo, echo: I don’t think we need to worry about that. The Senate is ours.]

___ JJ. Nixon was the most evil President. [The DNC loved Bush -- it made anything good enough, no matter how bad it was.]

___ KK. Yes, the future belongs to the GOP. [Not sure when, but they have a future somewhere in The Hague.]